ARCHENEMIES #1 Written by Drew Melbourne, penciled by Yvel Guichet, inked by Joe Rubinstein, colored by Rick Hiltbrunner, lettered by Jim Keplinger. Ethan has no idea that Vincent, his roommate, is the villainous Underlord. Vincent has no clue that Ethan is the superhero called Star Fighter. In their costumed identities, they're mortal enemies, but as Ethan and Vincent they're the best of . . . wait, NO, as Ethan and Vincent they still hate each other's guts. Can comics' ultimate, super-powered odd couple keep their secrets secret and learn to live together in peace? ArchEnemies is high-concept superhero action comedy drama times eleven. In our debut issue, it's a battle of wills as Ethan and Vincent try to drive each other out of the apartment and off the lease. But, in a moment of weakness, will one roommate go too far? [SPOILER ALERT: Yes. Yes, he will.] 32 pages, $2.99, in stores on April 5.

6 HOURS AGO
The ArchEnemies Online website goes live. Why is my euphoria tinged by trepidation? Hmm.

Think back. Think back.

24 HOURS AGO
Somebody sends me a PM through the Millarworld boards. He saw the solicitation info for ArchEnemies #1, and--while he thought it looked cool--he wanted to warn me that one of my main characters, Star Fighter, has the same name as a recurring character in Kurt Busiek's Astro City.

Crap.

"Probably not actionable. Probably not actionable," I mumble to myself in mantra form. "Probably not actionable."

I dig up Kurt's email, and I begin writing a polite, apologetic, and hopefully non-lawsuit provoking message. I love Astro City. Astro City has been a big influence on me...

Except... when it comes to names. Not a big influence when it comes to names. That was just a coincidence. 10,000 freakin' characters in Astro City, I was bound to stumble onto one of them. Coincidence on the name. Big influence everywhere else.

Crap + Crap = Double Crap.

I'm three paragraphs into my second, less jokey draft, when a terrible thought comes to me: "Better make sure I don't have any other duplicate names." Heh. Simple enough to check. Sure I did it before. I do it for every time I come up with a new name.

It's part of the routine.

But just to set my mind at ease, I google "Underlord" and "supervillain" to see what'll come up. Let's see...

Astro City, vol. 2 #3.

Crap. Crap. Crapping crap on a crappity-crap crapstick. Crap.

I go back to the email. Third draft. "Probably not actionable." Fourth draft. "Clearly not actionable." I'm sure I've had dreams like this.

10,000 freakin' characters in Astro City, I was bound to stumble onto one... or, um, two of them?

I try to remember my Michael Lovitz copyright and trademark advice. A name like "Apple" isn't copyrightable, but "Blammyzig" is? Or isn't trademarkable? Or, um...

There's something about whether a character's name appears on the cover or is part of the logo, maybe?

Then I think: Wait. No. Kurt Busiek's a nice guy. Kurt Busiek's not going to kick the metaphorical crap out of me. Unless...

Maybe, the nice guy thing to do IS to kick the metaphorical crap out of me? Maybe I'm FULL of metaphorical crap, and maybe I DESERVE to get the metaphorical crap kicked out of me. Maybe I'm the bad guy here.

Maybe I'm my own worst archenemy.

Crap.

737 DAYS EARLIER
2003 has not been a good year.

I've been working a corporate job that I hate and--to be honest--am not very good at. My attempts to self-publish a comic have imploded not once, but twice. And my back-up plan was Bill Jemas' Epic line.

Let me repeat that: My back-up plan was Bill Jemas' Epic line.

At the end of the year I take two weeks off to clear my head. Then a day after Christmas, I receive a phone call explaining that a close friend and mentor of mine has passed away.

So, you know, at least it wasn't all about me.

The funeral is on January 3rd. On January 5th, I'm back in the office at 9 am. By noon, I've been laid off.

2003 was not a good year, and as it's shaping out, I'm not too crazy about 2004 either.

304 DAYS EARLIER (give or take)
"My roommate is the most evil man who's ever lived," I grumble.

A brief pause. "Hmm." I consider my words.

I type the words onto my computer screen and stare at them. I repeat them to myself.

"My roommate is the most evil man who's ever lived."

And I see that it is so.

FOUR MONTHS LATER-ish
In my defense, it seemed like Epic might work. Bill Jemas threw open the doors of Marvel to script submissions from rookies and amateurs. I was sure that somebody would make it through before they got the gate back shut.

And my two aborted attempts at collaboration earlier in the year suggested "script only" was the way to go.

I spend two months writing and rewriting bad Marvel pitches:

They're lawyers who defend supervillains. They're... The Defenders!

It's the Fantastic Four in college. It's called... Four Years!

The Black Knight adventures through a strange land of... Amazing Fantasy!

Nothing has traction. Nothing that I can quite get my mind around. Nothing that really excites me.

I scroll through my old computer files. My idea graveyard. And I stumble across six pages of an aborted superhero script.

ArchEnemies. Star Fighter and Underlord are sworn enemies, but in their secret identities...

...they're roommates.

Ethan Baxter grumbles to a co-worker, "My roommate is the most evil man who every lived." But he has no idea.

Okay, I think. Ethan Baxter is Star Fighter, but he could just as easily be... some Marvel character?

Edit. Edit.

Vincent Darko is the Underlord, but he could just as easily be...

It flows. Twenty-six pages, plus cover. Genius.

This is the script that the folks at Epic are waiting for. I can feel it. This is the script that will transform me from dreamer wannabe to working comics professional. I can feel it.

This is going to happen.

SIX WEEKS LATER
It didn't happen.

ONE WEEK LATER
Marvel announces that they're pulling the plug on Epic.

"Of course," I say to myself. "They old rejected my script, because they were shutting down Epic.

"I'm still brilliant."

ONE MONTH LATER
Remember that time I wrote a great script? Sigh.

ONE MONTH LATER
Remember that time I wrote a great script? Sigh.

2004
So what now? I've lost the job that I hated and wasn't very good at. I'd blown every writing comics opportunity that I've gotten. And a good friend is dead.

It's time to grow up. More.

I read about a contest that Top Cow is sponsoring in Wizard. Write a script, pitch it to them, and the best one will become a comic.

I put together something called "Heroes of Tomorrow" and mail it off a scant few days before the deadline.

People don't actually win things like that, so I put it out of my mind. I dust off the ArchEnemies script because it's still the best thing I've written in months. I change the characters back to the pre-Marvel versions:

To Star Fighter. To the Underlord.

I plan on pitching ArchEnemies to companies like Image, but in order to do that, I need to work with... an artist.

*shudder*

APRIL 26, 2004 I won the Top Cow contest! Hurrah! Heroes of Tomorrow is going to be a comic!

TODAY Heroes of Tomorrow is still not a comic.

TOMORROW
I remain hopeful that Heroes of Tomorrow will still be a comic. After all, it took four years to get Down finished and onto the stands, and that was written by Warren Ellis.

TODAY, AGAIN
I am no Warren Ellis.

5 SECONDS LATER
Warren Ellis would never get sued by Kurt Busiek.

No word from Kurt yet. He's probably consulting with his lawyer. Crap. Crap.

Thankfully, I don't own anything worth anything.

Except ArchEnemies.

Crap.

Yes, indeed. I am my own worst archenemy.

TWO WEEK LATER
Part II of this column is up, and it's my best column yet. You've read it, and it was fascinating. Now you know how I pulled the book's creative team together and how we got Dark Horse to publish it.

And, best of all, the buzz on the recently retitled Kurt Busiek's ArchEnemies is through the roof!

Drew Melbourne is a freelance writer living in NYC. When ArchEnemies #1 comes out on April 5th, it will be his first published comic book story. You know. If it does in fact come out in April. For anyone who's ACTUALLY worried, don't be. Copyright and trademark law don't work the way you think they do. (Unless he's wrong, in which case: crappity-crap.) For more on Drew, read DrewMelbourne.com.